Happy Birthday, Taylor! Yay... confetti confetti confetti!
And... I was kinda stupid yesterday. I didn't realize that I could just go to turnitin and get my story from there. Yeah. :O My gosh it really sucks compared to Anita's... I'm not looking for pity here. :P
I spent a lot of time this weekend looking at Super Junior. I like them a lot. (It's a revival) But it's not quite as great as DBSK or Fahrenheit... Remember that?
“I’ll miss you, père.”
“I’ll return soon, ma Émilie. Look after your mother.” I grinned back at my only daughter, waving the final au revoirs before jauntily striding away, my head held high and proud. I was to join the war effort. Émilie and her friends jumped up and down, cheering. My young, beautiful wife, Charlotte laughed and waved and kissed me goodbye. Her hands left her swollen belly to clasp mine one last time. Turning the corner, I looked back, almost seeing my daughter’s heart swell with pride. Yes, I would miss my family, but in several short months I would be back, a hero.
I woke in the night to screaming. Sweet, rare dreams still clung to me like gossamer threads, but I rushed to my position to save my own life. Too many times had I seen men in the front trenches die from gas because they were too slow, but not before days, even weeks of indescribable anguish, wounds slowly eating away at their flesh and minds. I fumbled for my mask, and my gun, one hand resting against the great wall of dirt. All around me were men scrambling to their positions, men screaming from agony. I knew the feeling. Temporary blindness; oozing, yellowish, filth encrusted blisters were constant plagues of the mustard gas. And perhaps worst of all, not knowing how much gas you inhaled, how much longer you had to live – if you could live to see your family once more. The thought of my family brought me to my knees, sending the vile, acrid water laced with decay rippling. How I longed to hear my daughter’s tinkling laugh.
A fatal move. I could see my own death looming like a hated ship behind thick fog. I was too slow to don my mask, and I was helpless to save myself. As if in slow motion, I watched the heavy yellow gas roll down the walls of trench. Hot tears of pain streaming down my face, I was blinded. I felt my lungs congeal, my chest heaving. It was an effort just to breathe. Coughing and scratching blindly at the air in panic, I fought to live. I heard screaming all around me. A man had been shot, and was weeping for his life. Another was on his knees, praying for salvation from this place, so deep in the earth and so close to hell…
It was not until I felt my own wife’s sweet, cool hands on my scarred face, smoothing back my hair, slick with sweat that I realized the truth. I had been dreaming again, reliving the days of horror in the trenches. Even in daylight I could not escape the nightmares. Even after the war, my days and nights were filled with blood and suffering.
I was a shadow of the man I was before the war. Charlotte’s imploring eyes searched mine, her bottomless seas of green once again flooding with tears.
“Mon amour, my beautiful Bernard,” Charlotte had whispered the day of my return, “now scarred, maimed by this bloodthirsty war.” But, seeing the empty chasm in my eyes, she understood. She understood that I was maimed internally, and that I would never again be the same. I was completely devoid of any emotion. I was detached, unable to be moved from my personal torment, even when Charlotte’s newborn was already the second child to be born not breathing. My experiences in war, like a fatal disease forever plagued me, never releasing me from its black, shadowy recesses.
Charlotte forced her own hand over her mouth, silencing the racking sobs that overtook her body, sobs caused by my coldness, leading to her heartbreak. And then the nightmares returned. Their unrelenting fingers tugged on my mind, making me lose my grasp on reality and being. My mind finally relented. I would never be free of this war.
I... put spaces between the paragraphs because I came back and couldn't bring myself to read that whole block of text. *ADD*